Shocked and sad

A few days ago, I heard that some very good friends are ending their marriage. I feel shocked! Really!

This is a couple who have two children and have been married for almost twenty-five years. I feel that the world has tilted on it's axis.

How can they do this to themselves? Their children? Their marriage? Their friends?! (Am I being selfish by thinking of how this affects me?)

Twenty-five years! Why? Why are they getting a divorce now? They are very religious and never expected it of them. They've talked of commitment many times. Commitment to each other, their marriage, their children, god.

I don't get it.

My husband and I have been married twenty-three years. Each time we hear of another pair of our contemporaries getting a divorce, we always wonder about ourselves. If it can happen to them, can it happen to us? I am so puzzled.

Commitment, damn it! I stood in front of hundreds of relatives and friends and promised this man that I would stand by him no matter what! It meant something to me. Other people have done it to. Doesn't it mean anything to them! Is it all a big fat lie? It it just wishful thinking?

Of course people change, but do they have to grow apart? Are we predestined to be divorced in twenty years? Is it inevitable? Can my marriage beat the odds?

I try to look at the couples that are still together. While my parents are married (50 years and counting) they are not of the "divorce" generation. People my age are the one that first got divorces as easily as getting a new car. I have a friend who is on her third husband. Each year the pool of "still married" shrinks.

I don't have anything against divorced people. I realize that relationships go bad and people change. The person you married many years ago may not be the person you are living with now. If someone is truly unhappy and the love is gone, then nothing can save a marriage.

But my job as a friend, if to stand by and be there. Whatever decisions they make are theirs to make. I don't have to agree, or understand, just abide by it.

But I don't fully understand. . .

and maybe never will.

Hmmm. . . an apology

Hot off the presses: This just popped through my e-mail from an on-line RWA chapter:

Permission to forward granted:

The following members of the RWA Board of Directors wish to apologize for
the disappointing direction of the Awards Ceremony during the 2005 conference.
What should have been a celebration, not only of our finalists and award
winners, but also of the growth and success of RWA, was not. Members of the
board were repeatedly assured by the Awards Ceremony Board Liaison that the
planning of the program was progressing appropriately. It was not until it was
too late that we discovered that the focus of the ceremony had strayed from
the theme we'd been given.

We thank those members who stepped in at the last moment to try to fix the
script. We also apologize sincerely to our award winners, our finalists, and
our members that the program was not appropriate to celebrate RWA's success,
as well as theirs. We apologize especially to Nora Roberts, who was not only
put in an untenable position, but whose statement as to her reasons for not
appearing was not read.

We pledge to move forward from this and to make the Awards Ceremony in
Atlanta exactly what it should always be--a night on which we embrace the joys of
romance writing and recognize the finalists and winners of our most cherished
awards.

Gayle Wilson President-Elect
Kathy Carmichael Secretary
Connie Newman Treasurer
Nicole Burnham Region 1 Director
Lisa Kamps Region 1 Director
Dorien Kelly Region 2 Director
Peggy Emard Region 2 Director
Linda Howard Region 3 Director
Linda Winstead Jones Region 3 Director
Karen Fox Region 4 Director
Sherry Lewis Region 4 Director
Geralyn Dawson Region 5 Director
Jill Limber Region 6 Director
Jennifer Crump PRO Liaison
Teresa Carpenter Chapter Liaison