Shocked and sad
A few days ago, I heard that some very good friends are ending their marriage. I feel shocked! Really!
This is a couple who have two children and have been married for almost twenty-five years. I feel that the world has tilted on it's axis.
How can they do this to themselves? Their children? Their marriage? Their friends?! (Am I being selfish by thinking of how this affects me?)
Twenty-five years! Why? Why are they getting a divorce now? They are very religious and never expected it of them. They've talked of commitment many times. Commitment to each other, their marriage, their children, god.
I don't get it.
My husband and I have been married twenty-three years. Each time we hear of another pair of our contemporaries getting a divorce, we always wonder about ourselves. If it can happen to them, can it happen to us? I am so puzzled.
Commitment, damn it! I stood in front of hundreds of relatives and friends and promised this man that I would stand by him no matter what! It meant something to me. Other people have done it to. Doesn't it mean anything to them! Is it all a big fat lie? It it just wishful thinking?
Of course people change, but do they have to grow apart? Are we predestined to be divorced in twenty years? Is it inevitable? Can my marriage beat the odds?
I try to look at the couples that are still together. While my parents are married (50 years and counting) they are not of the "divorce" generation. People my age are the one that first got divorces as easily as getting a new car. I have a friend who is on her third husband. Each year the pool of "still married" shrinks.
I don't have anything against divorced people. I realize that relationships go bad and people change. The person you married many years ago may not be the person you are living with now. If someone is truly unhappy and the love is gone, then nothing can save a marriage.
But my job as a friend, if to stand by and be there. Whatever decisions they make are theirs to make. I don't have to agree, or understand, just abide by it.
But I don't fully understand. . .
and maybe never will.
This is a couple who have two children and have been married for almost twenty-five years. I feel that the world has tilted on it's axis.
How can they do this to themselves? Their children? Their marriage? Their friends?! (Am I being selfish by thinking of how this affects me?)
Twenty-five years! Why? Why are they getting a divorce now? They are very religious and never expected it of them. They've talked of commitment many times. Commitment to each other, their marriage, their children, god.
I don't get it.
My husband and I have been married twenty-three years. Each time we hear of another pair of our contemporaries getting a divorce, we always wonder about ourselves. If it can happen to them, can it happen to us? I am so puzzled.
Commitment, damn it! I stood in front of hundreds of relatives and friends and promised this man that I would stand by him no matter what! It meant something to me. Other people have done it to. Doesn't it mean anything to them! Is it all a big fat lie? It it just wishful thinking?
Of course people change, but do they have to grow apart? Are we predestined to be divorced in twenty years? Is it inevitable? Can my marriage beat the odds?
I try to look at the couples that are still together. While my parents are married (50 years and counting) they are not of the "divorce" generation. People my age are the one that first got divorces as easily as getting a new car. I have a friend who is on her third husband. Each year the pool of "still married" shrinks.
I don't have anything against divorced people. I realize that relationships go bad and people change. The person you married many years ago may not be the person you are living with now. If someone is truly unhappy and the love is gone, then nothing can save a marriage.
But my job as a friend, if to stand by and be there. Whatever decisions they make are theirs to make. I don't have to agree, or understand, just abide by it.
But I don't fully understand. . .
and maybe never will.
posted by ~~Olivia | 4:17 PM
2 Comments:
The divorce rate in this country is overwhelming. I have tried really hard to keep my marriage together and wallah! We're still here! And all the trial and tribulation we've been through has only made us stronger.
I don't know that it is so much that people aren't trying to save their marriages but that women are more willing to leave a bad situation. In the case of your friends, who knows how long things hadn't been going right. I know when my dh and I are having problems, we present a perfect picture to the world. Of course, we won't get divorced because neither of us want custody of the kids LOL.
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